Journal Entry—Biopsy Results Come Tomorrow

On the brink…

This is what I call these seasons of life. You know, when you’re on the edge of something big. Brink moments are the kind that are filled with uncertainty. Since you can’t really see past the edge in front of you, there’s no way to prepare for what lies beyond. You have no choice but to move forward regardless of how unnerving and fear-gripping each step becomes.

Leaving home for college is one of these brink moments. Getting married. Waiting for results of a medical test or an entrance exam or a performance evaluation. Some of these moments are happy and full of anticipation for the sheer bliss that’s sure to unfold before you. Some of these are just plain terrifying, like you’re on the verge of living out your biggest fear… failure, sickness, loss. Either way, in these times of heightened emotion, I can get flustered at best and debilitatingly anxious at worst.

Or.

I can trust.

Tomorrow I meet with the surgeon to hear the results of the biopsy. The results are sitting there, in some computer program or on someone’s desk. God, you already know what the results say. Let it be benign. Help me to breathe deeply and know your stillness as I wait. Calm the storm that’s swirling in my head. Bring balance where the vertigo of being on the brink makes my head spin. I choose trust. Whatever words we hear tomorrow, I trust your goodness and your wisdom and your power over all things.

“Thy will be done.”

Matthew 6:10